The Pipe Bit: Technology, Twitter and Tobacco

Special thanks for this post to:  Rich at Cultured Leaf, Sculpted Burl,  Trey and the pros at Cigars Anonymous, and Jeff, Trish, Tamara and Caroline.

By Chris Rentner    

About two weeks ago, Windows 7 was released.  You probably missed it–the company that produces Windows, Microsoft, is a rather small start-up–but it was big news in the geek community and made the lives of tech gurus like Leo Laporte even more difficult (“Do I have to have my computer on to run Windows 7?”, etc. etc.).

     A good time, then, to consider tech and tobacco.  In my lifetime, the biggest technological change has been the Internet, and it has also had a serious impact on tobacco.  As  Trey from the Cigars Anonymous blog (link above) notes,

“It is safer to move to the Internet to pitch products and information than it is in a physical store because too many states have made cigars too expensive.  Internet prices are cheaper because vendors can play with the margins more since the market online is huge.  Mom and pop shops are being driven out of business because of taxes and people naturally turn to the Internet.”  As I work for Big Tobacco in a brick and mortar business, I find this comment disturbing but correct.  The variety and ease of ordering tobacco on the Internet does indeed give online sales an advantage, but there is also something to be said for the traditional ways of selling leaf–while talking with people about this subject, the phrase “face-to-face” came up a lot.  The personal touch, in other words.  And, while you can see a picture of the physical product on a web site, you can’t feel it or sample it.  But there are many sites for buying tobacco…and less and less physical stores.

     Ideally, the ‘Net compliments the physical store.  For example, you can find reviews of any pipe tobacco blend, and this can certainly help with picking out what you may like.  The more (correct) information, the better, and the Internet provides this.

     Then there’s Twitter.  Founded by Jack Dorsey and publicly launched in August of 2006, Twitter is right now probably the most popular networking tool in the world.  Within the limit of 140 characters per message, or “tweet,” users send messages to the people who follow their feeds.  These messages can then be read on your computer, cellphone, or any internet device.  Rich from the excellent Cultured Leaf, Sculpted Burl blog (link above) informed me that “It’s a great way to keep abreast of everything from eBay pipe auctions to fashions in tobaccos to tobacco-related legislation.”  So Twitter, too, is another Internet tool to add to a smoker’s arsenal.

     But in talking to people (face-to-face), I have found that Twitter has a serious PR problem.  It boils down to two things:

–”Why would I want to know what somebody has for lunch?”

–”Why would I want to tell everybody what I had for lunch?”

     These sentiments came from everyone I talked to, although people I contacted over the Interwebs seem more accommodating to the idea and use of Twitter. 

     Tech is with us, and won’t go away.  You can smoke in your home while browsing the web, which has been compared to eating in front of the television–something to do while you are doing something else.  But you can’t smoke in the coffee shop with the wifi hotspot; tech yes, but smoke no.

     And just to note:  computers aren’t really friendly to smoke, as delicate components may be damaged or affected.  But tech is friendly to smoke in other ways–as Eric Clapton said, it really is in the way that you use it.

Dottle:  Speaking of tech, the new Pipeman Calabashi app is on the way for the iPod Touch and iPhone…when you do stop in our brick and mortar store, be sure to try our new sweet and smoky Raider blend…the New York flavored tobacco ban does in fact now include pipe tobacco.

 

 

The Pipe Bit: Towards The Christmas Blend

By Chris Rentner

            Pipe guru Richard Carleton Hacker, years ago, wrote a limited-edition book titled The Christmas Pipe.  The tome was about the special relationship of Yuletide and pipe smoking; how both bring (or are supposed to bring) warmth, satisfaction and comfort.  In addition, the direction connections—Dunhill’s line of Christmas pipes, Santa’s smoking implement—are given due consideration.

            Here at Uhle’s, we also connect pipes and Christmas each year with our Christmas blend of pipe tobacco.  Now I know it’s a bit early for some to be prattling on about Christmas—“It’s not even Halloween yet!” followed by a string of expletives—but the process of the Uhle’s Christmas blend starts long before December.  (Besides, re-watch The Nightmare Before Christmas to remind yourself of how the two holidays are related.)

            Starting in the summer, I start to keep a close eye on blend samples that the pipe tobacco department President receives.  These samples, from several different companies, make their way to me.  I look for new flavors or new flavor combinations—or standard flavors done in a different and better way than usual.  Since the Christmas blend is different every year, I also try to look for flavors significantly away from those of the last couple years’ Christmas blends.

            After Labor Day, ho-ho-ho, I make a call from the North Pole to get the Christmas blend labels and postcards printed.  The printing of these materials takes about two weeks.  When safely in hand, I then turn to what, exactly, the Christmas blend for the year should be.  Last year, given the gruesome economy, I tried for the comforting flavor of a honeyed dessert.  If a flavor I’m looking for isn’t in the samples or otherwise on hand, the pipe tobacco department President makes a few calls to our suppliers, who are more than happy to send more samples (as he’s a great guy, been in the business forever, etc.)

            Then I make up a few samples, which are then smoked by some of The Help and the Cold Dead Hand of Management.  Upon getting feedback and making a few tweaks, Uhle’s then has the official Christmas blend.  Stock for the blend is ordered and the blend is in the store by Thanksgiving.  And make sure you sign up to get your postcard, good for a free pocket of the Christmas blend…this year, the blend was created by a member of The Help, Caroline, and your humble blender.  The flavor this year?  Ah, you must try it for yourself.

Dottle:  Hacker’s book is long out of print and is a collector’s item…Good luck trying of find a pipe smoking Santa these days.  If you see one for sale—a Santa smoking a genuine pipe, a figurine or on a card—take a photo and sent it to us at Uhle’s.  But you won’t find such a thing, at least not a new one.

The Pipe Bit: The Fear

                                                    “’Cuz I’m being taken over by the Fear.”–Lily Allen
By Chris Rentner

My oncologist said:

My blood was thicker than usual; the analogy she used was water flowing through a pipe (the plumbing kind)—except my blood was more like Jello slogging through said plumbing. This condition is called polycythemia vera, and I have it. My blood is thick due to my bone marrow producing more red blood cells than “normal.” The cause is unknown. The reason I was referred to an oncologist was because all oncologists are also hematologists, dealing with (non-cancer related) blood disorders.

There is no cure; p.v. is a chronic condition. Also no symptoms, in my case. The treatment? No drugs, no changes, no diet. Just one thing—every six weeks or so, I get a pint of blood taken from my arm. The hope is that the new red blood cells that replace the drawn blood will be less numerous. Over the two plus years since I have been diagnosed, it is pretty much in a holding pattern—no better, no worse.

Oh, and the pint of my blood has to be thrown out; it can’t be donated, as it is diseased.
———————————–

Jeff said:

On Thursday, October 15th, David was in the retail store cleaning up a spill of lighter fluid by the Zippo filling station. A customer asked if he could use the station; he did. And flicked his lighter. The soaked rags David was using caught fire; David grabbed them and threw them out of the store.

As he did this—an act he did so as to not damage the store—he got second-degree burns on his right arm. He had an overnight hospital stay, and will not be at work this week, so he may start to recover.

The store had no damage. The fire inflicted pain and suffering on David.
—————————————

The street signs said:

S.PACKARD E.BARNARD
At the intersection of these two streets is a business called Labor Ready. A blue and red neon sign lights the window. This is a business that provides temporary employment and is “a source of dependable labor for companies in a variety of industries,” according to their web site, laborready.com.

Each morning my long-suffering wife and I drive past this Labor Ready, in Cudahy (very close to where the Patrick Cudahy plant, which suffered a massive fire this summer, abides). Since the Great Recession started in earnest about a year ago, there has always been a few people milling about outside this business. And I always realize that I am fortunate to be working—a steady job in a good place. So many have lost their careers in these times; something I am reminded of daily, passing Labor Ready in the early morning. And I slightly tighten my grip on my briefcase as we drive by—it contains my lunch, which I am taking to work.

Maybe next year we’ll have a “not-so-scary” Halloween. Not in 2009.

Dottle: Autumn is pipe smoking season. Since we “can’t” burn leaves in our yards anymore, fill the aroma gap with burning tobacco leaves in your briar…The Calabashi app is being held up by Apple due to its use of VOIP, allowing you to call any smokeshop in the world for free…Please share your 2009 scary stories, maybe we can do a reader mail column about the Fear…No, the New York proposal to ban flavored tobacco doesn’t apply to pipe tobacco. Yet.

The Pipe Bit: Creases Upon A Sophisticated Brow

 

 

 

By A Sophisticate Like Myself

Transcribed by Chris Rentner

Note: I was called into the office of the Cold Dead Hand of Management last week–performance review time. After sitting on a plain wood stool by his desk for forty-five minutes as he worked at his desk and looked at paperwork, I cleared my throat and said, “So…the trade show’s coming up soon–”

“The International Premium Cigar and Pipe Retailers’ show is for professionals in the tobacco industry, like the management here,” he said, never taking his eyes off the plasma screen, “and only professionals; it has nothing whatsoever to do with you, Chris. Speaking of which–a professional is going to do the blog next week.”

Heart sinking, cringing meekly on my unvarnished stool, I asked, “You mean the–”

Without breaking his typing speed, he gave a brisk nod. “I mean the man who actually writes about pipe tobacco. The man who knows a lot about it because he is a professional.”  I cleared my throat, twisted my cap in my hands, and ventured, “Have you…I mean, have you read the…what I’ve been–”

“When I have time to read on the web, which is not often because I actually have a business to run, Chris, I read sites that I may learn from.” He typed for a few more minutes, then shook his head, once, still typing, and said, “so no, of course I don’t. But I’ve heard it’s…amateur. You can get back to work now.”

WITH A CREASED AND LINED brow reflecting my distaste at this entire affair, I once again place myself upon my calfskin sette and address the denizens of that populist thicket, “The Internet.”  My last golden words, in “The Sophisticated Pipe Smoker,” educated you and helped you, the quotidian and the common, appreciate pipesmoking with my unending eloquence.

It was my every intention to further educate you today with an exploration of the uses of the Oriental varietal of pipe tobacco–and when you transcribe this, Chris, please understand that pipe tobacco is not one word but two–but circumstances have, alas, changed my mind. After a brief tour of the physical plant of Uhle’s, I recognize that I must address…though I am loathe to do so…The Help of that establishment. My trained eye noted that the plant of Uhle’s has quite a bit of construction going on–the front sidewalk and road, and the office–and I am taking my precious time here to tell you, The Help: Do not use your “inconvenience” as an excuse for not performing! 

As I light my Dunhill Longitude (shell briar number 5 size) with a monogrammed wooden match, I keep in my meticulously educated mind that I am advising–ugh–employees. You do not, simply put, understand how a business operates; you indeed cannot, for it is above your lower-middle-class station. Nevertheless, you must keep your business at an optimal level at all times; that is why you are in the employ of another, and serve only by his grace. Therefore, you may not use construction–or any other excuse–as a tawdry lie for giving less than one thousand percent. For another example, you may plead, “But, sir, this is Downtown Employee Appreciation Week in Milwaukee!” This, too, shall fall on deaf ears; you can be secure in the knowledge that your appreciation comes in the form of your paycheck, as well as in the multitude of outrageous benefits you receive from your employer. As far as an entire week of “celebrating” downtown Milwaukee employees–I ask your foggy little minds to note that these…events…are paid for by COMPANIES like Johnson Controls and MillerCoors. That is, paid for–like your leeching and undoubtedly undeserved salary–by companies who meet a payroll, pay corporate taxes, and are publicly traded. All things you, as a mere employee, cannot do or possibly understand. This is all, I’m sure, too much for your off-the-rack brains (not to mention your disestablishmentarian leanings) to process, but just do as I advise.

And when you do that, you have my permission to entertain the fantasy–for that is all it shall e’er be–that you, too, may one day be of the regal and elevated status of…A Sophisticate Like Myself.

The Pipe Bit: Renaissance

By Chris Rentner

Jeff,

As instructed, my long-suffering wife and I went to the Bristol Renaissance Faire last Saturday.  Also as instructed, I kept an eye out for smoking-related happenings and merchandise.  Here’s what I saw.

The smoking started before the Faire even opened.  In the grassy hill that is the preferred parking for the Faire, a woman emerging from a silver Elantra with Illinois plates lit a cigarette.  You can smoke here; take advantage of it.  A weekend, a Faire, costumes, fantasy–all provide, maybe, a lessened sense of hesitancy about smoking in public.

We went in the gates at 10a.m. and, walking down the main path, spotted a vendor selling hookahs, water pipes from the Middle East.  Three shelves offered many shapes, sizes and colors; and there were even six sample jars of the sticky, brightly colored stuff  that is used in hookahs.  Turned out that this booth was a expansion of an existing one; this was the first year they had the pipes for sale.

Later in the day–with our fellow Faire-goers smoking mostly cigarettes, though a few churchwarden-style pipes were spotted–we stopped at the one booth dedicated solely to pipes.  These too were churchwardens; they seemed to be made of ceramic, then glazed (not good).  Their racks, holding two pipes each, could be hung on a wall for display.  Seeing five sample jars of the ususal suspects–black cavendish, burley and bright–I asked the vendor what burley tasted like.  “Like a Virginia light,” he replied, incorrectly.  The blends had Faire-themed names, like Mary Queen of Scots.

Cigars started to appear in the early afternoon, after lunch.  A cigar cart was set up on the grounds (Cigars a la Carte) selling a small selection of premium smokes, and a couple kinds of clove cigarettes.  As for “regular” cigarettes, the official souvenir shop sold a few domestic brands, including American Spirits, which were $9.50 a pack (usual price: about $7.50 and tax).  For the most part, people brought their own.

Through the day I smoked dry-cured cigarillos, Panter Mignons.  Of course, each time I tried to light one, the day turned breezy.  By this time, in the early afternoon, I was getting a little tired–I’m an old guy–and I found the mini cigars to be restorative.  Also helping were a few brats with carmelized onions; I spurted on ketchup and mustard and my long-suffering wife and I looked for a place to sit.  She noticed a black-clad gentleman smoking a long pipe and asked him what he was smoking.  “Black and Gold,” he responded (black cavendish and Virginia, though presumably not “light”).  The pipe he was smoking had a tiny bowl and a stem about a foot long, with a gentle curve.  Near the bowl, a thong of black material was wrapped around the stem so you could hold it while smoking…because the pipe was made entirely of metal, probably aluminum.  He further went on, pointing out a square braided design on the bowl, that he had access to a laser etcher, so he engraved the marking.  He also sold these pipes–about six hung from the head of his walking staff–for twenty dollars.  I took a pass.

Although smoking was “allowed” at the Faire, you couldn’t smoke everywhere;  at Kamala Perfumes,  several signs read, “If you smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.”  Understood.  Overall, though, smoking was simply a part of the Bristol Renaissance Faire, with no hassles or condemnation.  For a change.

Please find my travel expenses attached.

Best,

Sir Chris of Burley

Dottle:  The office here at Uhle’s, drowned earlier this month as reported in my post “Flood,” continues to be revived quickly.  Carpeting will be put in this week, and last Friday the walls were repainted a “soothing” Industrial Factory Green.  It is A Place Of Business, after all.

The Pipe Bit: Flood

   By Chris Rentner 

     ”It’s trashed,”  my cohort told me through my cell.

     She called yesterday to inform me that the office of Uhle’s had–again–flooded.  On Saturday, some water was noticed trickling into the downstairs office; and soon there was, well, a lot more water.  By the time the situation was under control, all the computers were removed (undamaged) and critical materials were consolidated into a neighboring office…which is about half the size of the drowned office.  Almost an entire weekend–Saturday and Sunday, if you please–of labor went into saving what could be saved, so the flood could be dealt with again today.  And today, the carpet in the dampened office was torn up, down to the bare cement floor.  Uhle’s was able to continue due to the work of Jeff, Trish, Tamara and two Davids (one our IT person, one of The Help).

     This is not the first time Uhle’s has flooded.  Just a few weeks ago, during torrential rains, the warehouse took in water due to an, uh, ill-planned construction project.  A few years ago, the office and warehouse flooded due to a busted (water) pipe.  So the experience of soggy carpet and industrial fans and the sting of bleach is not unknown here; usually things are set right in quick order, with the help of Towne’s (the owners of the Empire building, in which Uhle’s is located) maintenence crews.

     The current problem stems from a PVC pipe in the back room; in fact, as of now, the water is still flowing (“like a garden hose,” as another of my cohorts put it).  I’ve been told that a camera-hose will have to snake in to locate where the water’s source may be.  But the source of it will be found, again, as it always has been; and the damage has been contained, due to many grueling hours put in by the people here.  Humble as this forum is, I want to recognize the effort put in by Jeff, Trish, Tamara and the two Davids at Uhle’s; the pros of Towne’s maintenence, like Mike; and the two gentlemen who tore out the carpet this morning.  Seems the work never ends; thanks to the above people, and more, the work at Uhle’s will continue.  This Pipe Bit’s for them; I can write about it, but they did the work.

Dottle:  Due to the flood, I almost had to post this from home on my snazzy modded Vectrex, what up Jealous…The Pipeman Calabashi app, for selecting pipe tobacco blends on the go, is almost ready for download, so all you iPhone owners, just wait a bit longer.

The Pipe Bit: The Smokin’ (Hot) Summer

By Chris Rentner

“It’s Wisconsin.”

–folk wisdom trotted out when it snows in Dairyland

          Indeed it is Wisconsin—come take a whiff of our dairy air, tee-hee—and indeed it is now summer.  In this area of our fair state, summer really begins with the advent of the ferocious drinking contest named Summerfest.  This year’s run is now over, leaving the problem of how to dispose of several hundred thousand used plastic beer cups…but at least you can smoke there, as it is an outdoor event.

          I’ve always been conflicted about summer.  Thanks to the invention of life-saving air conditioning, I usually don’t have to deal with the worst of the season’s heat and humidity—but it runs up the electric bill.  Thanks to the (at times) pleasant weather, clothes and inhibitions are shucked off—but this results, sometimes, in fights and accidents.  And then there is the constant presence of construction—but that’s, to paraphrase Alton Brown, another post.

          Smoking provides a balm to the problems of the season (and any season).  But because of humidity and heat, I sometimes find my smoking adjusting to the weather.  In severely oppressive conditions, I find I just don’t want a burning bowl of tobacco next to me, I am ashamed to say.  Somehow, smoking a pipe in the guts of summer’s heat seems too…heavy, too thick.  I get over this feeling with air conditioning, happily.  But firing up my briar in the back yard, taking a break from mowing the lawn on a 90 degree day?  Adding more heat to the day’s furnace?  Forget it—I’ll take a smoke break in my nice, cool kitchen.  Cool off a bit, before going back out the door and having the heat and humidity hit me like a wet, hot wool blanket.  (An exception:  At Arab World Fest a few years ago, my long-suffering wife and I rented a hookah, a water pipe from that part of the globe.  The smoke from this pipe, coming from a long tube, was cooled by the contraption’s water, and was very enjoyable on a hot day at the lakefront).

          Cigarettes are perfect for this season—quick, disposable, no fussing with tampers and such.  They do not seem too heavy and thick to smoke.  And wouldn’t that plastic cup filled with cold beer go great with a cig?  Adding the cigarette’s smoke to the scents of summer—popcorn, cut grass, fried food, cotton candy, sweat—would be a pleasure, and appropriate, as would be seeing the thin, gray smoke float in the saturated air.

          There are some memories from summer that I cherish.  I was married on an August day in 1997, and in the long-ago 1980s I spent a scorching week at the legendary World Affairs Seminar.  Mostly, though, it’s my least favorite season, too hot, too sticky, too uncomfortable.  And flip-flops.  And tornadoes.  And the syrupy days where motivation is smothered by humidity.  And groceries expiring in the trunk of the car.

          Two more months until autumn, the pipe-smoking season, and cool sanity.

          Dottle:  As I wrote in my post “The Difference,” I used to enjoy a Camel Frost cigarette with morning coffee…used to.  This smoke is no more, sadly, although Frost is now part of Camel’s Snus smokeless line, which just ain’t the same…Davidoff now owns Cusano cigars.  Keep up the brilliant paired maduros and Cuvee Rouge line please, gentlemen….I share my wedding anniversary—the day Madonna was born and Elvis died—with Jack Uhle, the founder of Uhle’s, and also with the now-owner of the enterprise, Jeff Steinbock.  A pattern?  Foreshadowing?  No and no…how d’ya like the fire-resistant cigarettes that are now gracing our state?

The Pipe Bit: Glossary #6: On The Outside

By Chris Rentner

 

          We agree that the interior is what truly matters.  But sometimes we have to deal with what’s on the surface.

          The point of buying pipe tobacco is to enjoy the luscious—and expertly blended—product.  Unless you buy your tobacco in bulk, it is sold with some sort of uniform packaging.  This packaging should be portable and sealed well, so the lovely leaf inside is protected.  Over time, several methods of packaging our precious pipe treat have been tried:

          Tins.  One of the oldest-school methods of packaging pipe tobacco, tins are good but not great.  The tobacco is easy to grab-and-go, and tins are (or should be) sold air-tight, preserving the blend’s moisture content.  And you still have the empty tin in the end, perfect for storing your bobby pins.  But—and it’s a big one, and I cannot lie—tins notoriously dry out pipe tobacco once the initial seal is breached.  Tins are not able, once opened, to be made airtight again, so air invades very quickly, drying out the blend.  Plus, tins have become more expensive lately due to the cost of raw materials, and are a bit labor-intensive to fill and seal.  Tins can look handsome, and are collectible…but your blend’s days will fade quickly once a tin is opened.

          Bags and pouches are becoming the default packaging for pipe tobacco.  Portable and resealable with a zipper top, they are inexpensive to produce and have plenty of room for branding (to dip into the noxious pool of marketing).  But try to get a bag that is resealable; pouches like Captain Black and Borkum Riff, once opened, let in air.  Like with tins, you’d benefit by immediately transferring the contents of a non-zipper pouch to a plastic bag with a zip top.  The expert tobacconist will, of course, sell the tobacco already in resealable bags, as Uhle’s does (blushes modestly, kicks pebble, faints at keyboard, etc.).

          Bulk tobacco is a great value.  You can get the exact quantity you want, four ounces or four pounds.  It’s also a bit cheaper, and the more you buy, the more you save.  Distributors receive most bulk tobaccos packed in five-pound bags.  Mete out piecemeal by the ounce, the overhead is lower than pre-packaged blends, so it’s a good deal for all; and in the case of a tobacco blend that comes in both tins and bulk, buying the same amount in bulk may well, and should be, cheaper (told ya those tins are costly).

          There are some oddities in packaging, like Schermerhorn’s Bestoval, which is sold in fourteen-ounce screw-top plastic jugs.  But the best place for your tobacco is—naturally—your pipe.  Until then, keep your pipe tobacco sealed and dry.

                         ———————————————————————————————————————————-

Dottle:  Remember when the first of the month had no requirements, other than flipping the calendar?  No taxes, no rent, no inventories…I suppose an increased awareness of time is one of the things that make up that state of mind called “maturity”….As predicted in my post “Star Trek/Sci-Fi:…And The Clouds Made of Smoke,” smoking was absent in the recent Star Trek movie, except for the rapidly chilling and dying embers of the franchise itself (barfs).

The Manly Smoke

When I walked through the door of the premium tobacco “industry”, I was made aware under no uncertain terms that I had entered a “man’s, man’s world”.  [James Brown may have had a point…]   But what, exactly, does that mean to the male smoker?  Established alongside the industry itself, the gender roles of the smoking man seem stubbornly imbedded in the very definition of a tobacco purveyor.

 

The cigar smoking man.  He is usually portrayed as a suave and debonair part of society, a James Bond for the real-world if you will.  Hollywood plays a large role in this association, serving up helping after helping of well dressed, dangerous-yet-successful men blowing smoke rings into the interior of their European sports cars as they race around some city I have yet to experience as they do.  These men are silver tongued with their women, usually just as sleek, fast and European as the cars.  These cigar smokers are tan, buff, well accessorized, dressed to the nines and always smoking the finest of top-dollar cigars.  Tough act to follow, no?

The pipe smoking man.  While a wholly different character for the role of smoking man, the shoes of this industry-designed man are no simpler to fill.  Pipe smoking man is sophisticated:  he has travelled the world, has solved major worldly problems with ease, is an accomplished author/PhD/mathematician, and speaks four languages fluently.  The pipe smoking man also averages 65 years on earth, sports at least a hint of silver or white in his hair, and loves his smoking chair.  This stereotype, while less aggressive, is nonetheless unattainable for 99% of tobacco smoking men.   

The real life male tobacco smokers are too varied to label.  They are anywhere from 18 to 88 years old.   Students, factory workers, professionals, artists, and the unknown all find pleasure in a carefully blended pipe tobacco or a hand rolled cigar.  Sometimes it is the pipe smoker with the silver tongue and the cigar smoker with the PhD.  Oftentimes you simply can’t tell, when popping into our lounge, just who is who. 

When it comes down to it, smoking man is simply that.  A man, tobacco in hand, creating a small cloud of enjoyment in his midst.

–Miss T

Want more?  Check out the “other perspective”, the female-smoker stereotype at www.myspace.com/uhletobacco (where you can find this blog’s original author)

The Pipe Bit: Tony Montana: Goodnight to the Good Guy

 

“You never know, that dishwasher may be a beholder.”

–Rick Ross, “Push It”

By Chris Rentner

     Antonio Montana–Tony to all–will be retiring from Uhle’s at the end of this week. In his 29 years of work here, he has done it all–the store, the warehouse, shipping and receiving, tobacco blending, even some bookkeeping. In everything, his diligence came through–we could all depend on Tony Montana.

     A Cuban native, Tony first came to Milwaukee in 1980. He was part of the Mariel Harbor boatlift, though he rarely talks about his younger life–he had, as all of us do to some extent, a reckless youth, and put it behind him. Through a friend of his he came to Milwaukee from Miami, even though “I had other paths open and things, you know. But I just wanted to try something new in the land of opportunity.”

     When Tony first started at Uhle’s, the country was in a recession, as it is now. His outlook, though, never wavered: “You work hard, you earn it. Though I have to say the bankers had better interest rates back then,” he said with a chuckle. And he remains optimistic about the current rough economy: “Just keep at it, keep moving product. You don’t have to break your back, but you got to stay loyal–to your suppliers, and especially your customers.”

     He credits Uhle’s for his sense of thrift. “I never owned a house. What do I need all that room for? I don’t need some fancy staircase or a statue. I learned to be happy with what I got.”

     Like all of us, he wasn’t above temptation. “I think everybody wonders ‘what if.’ If I had stayed in Miami, I don’t know. I don’t know if I would have been happy.” But instead of wanting the world, he made peace with his decisions: “It’s, you know, the people around you that matter. I learned that here. For a while, I thought I couldn’t change, that I wanted too much. But I learned to be happy.”

     He’s not happy, however, about the restrictions on smoking that he has witnessed over his long career. “It reminds me too much of The Beard,” he said, meaning Fidel Castro. “Restrictions everywhere. Telling you what to think, what to feel. For me, smoking is part of the freedom of this country, and it’s really sad to see it turned into something people think is bad.”

     He leaves Uhle’s happy, though. “I have changed for the better. I have made friends and overcame my past. It was being here that caused me to be a success. I made it.” I wanted to ask him if “here” meant this country or Uhle’s, but of course he had been called away to help someone.

     Thanks, Tony. When we see you leave Uhle’s at the end of this week, we know it is the last time we’ll ever see a good guy like you.